midterm, evaluations.

"Those who visit foreign nations but associate only with their own countrymen, change their climate but not their customs; and with their heads as empty as their pockets, return home with traveled bodies but untraveled minds". --Charles Caleb Colton

This quote has really moved me today as I explore the regions of my paralysassions here in Tours. It would be nice to blame it all on the little things I needed to accomplish in my first weeks here like finish papers or assist family with traveling information, but really it was all me. My timid nature snuck to the surface and here I find myself only barely discovering its existence! ugh. Thankfully it is floating on the highest layer and it may be all to possible to skim it off the top. A previous post documented my plan to turn off the distractions of my home world, but I think more needs to be done. I have one week of my intense french class left and then another week of french culture...I would like to get the most out of these experiences, but I find my self disinterested in their schedules and longing for more time to wander-which is where my mind mostly finds itself anyway. Yet, back to the quote! While the school has definitely helped my understanding of the language it has also put me back in high school (an uncomfortable memory) and made it difficult to separate myself from the instituion, or rather from my english speaking classmates. I tried for the first week to speak only french, but when suddenly you realize that everyone around you is speaking english and finds it weird that you are "following the rules of the school, of the program"--well I think you see where this is going. In all honesty I had foresaken myself and my goal in my attempt to fit in with my comrades, to fit in with high school. ugh.

I have always claimed to be an explorer and here I find myself getting all caught up with the intracracies of reliving a less than ideal reproduction of a time past its prime. sigh. 

An any case, I share because that is the first step-admitting. Step two-changing. Step three-unknown.

Also, I saw something disturbingly beautiful today: a small dead bird kissing a small heart-shaped apricot on the cement. I would have loved to take a picture, but with nothing but my eyes upon me...it just was not possible.

Tonight is La jour de la fete de la musique....and I cannot wait to wander the streets listening! It should be amazing.